Overcome By Joy
Part I

There are many accounts of people’s passion for the Lord and I don’t dare to suppose that mine shall be that much greater. However, this writing is in the hope of encouraging the believers. It is in the hopes of showing that we share a common joy, a indescribable something that causes us to put down the love of this world for the love of something that we consider to be far greater. That there is joy in God is something that has been described for centuries, and actually millennia, and it would be my desire to add my account to those which have come before me. However, before we can begin to describe the joy, it is first important to describe what came before joy.

I was raised in a Christian home, an adopted child whose mother had been on the edge of aborting him. My biological father had abandoned her and my biological mother wanted nothing to do with me. Only days before this was to happen, my adoptive mother begged her to go through with the birth. My adoptive mother was unable to have children of her own, for reasons beyond the scope of this writing. Regardless, her and my adoptive father were hoping and praying for a child. I would be that child, through adoption, though my biological mother wanted an assurance that she would never see me for as long as it could be prevented.

Through this means, God placed me into a Christian home. My parents raised me to know God, to know Christ, and to be in church. However, I was primarily raised by my grandmother since my parents were always at work. I developed a great bond with my grandmother, just as strong as any child has to their parent. As I became older, she moved in with the family, making life that much more convenient. While I was young, I was taken out on outreaches to the poor neighborhoods, and my father would drive a bus that would be packed with young kids who would otherwise have no chance at attending Sunday School. Every month we’d have a walkathon to raise money for the neighborhood, and I developed some good friendships. While young I was very outgoing, happy and engaging. I’d always had a strong personality and I’d always been very knowledgeable about the Bible. Even at this early age, I had a very intimate conception of who God was and how he acted with His people. I’d felt, even then, that He conducted Himself in intimate ways, speaking and being direct with us. I thought He was as close to me as a hello, and that church, while a blessing, was not the place to really encounter Him.

When I was eleven my grandmother passed away, and that sent my life into a spiral. My mother was depressed, and my father did not know what to do. My mother came through, though the death affected her immensely. God would eventually return her joy, but it was definitely this event that would shape the next few, dark years of my life. Her death was a heavy blow to me, marking my otherwise joyful childhood, and left a distinguishing mark. This was in 6th grade and the same year, I met a girl that I fell in ‘love’ with, or at least as close to love that you can be at eleven. This would actually set a pattern in life for me, one in which I depended heavily on female companionship to feel content. Perhaps replacing my grandmother? It is left to guesswork, though that is not completely out of the question. Regardless, her rejections burned me quite badly, and in my heart I was continuously angry. Before my parents and at church I played my part well, but inside I was depressed, angry, lonely and immensely sad.

These qualities carried with me for almost five years, until I was sixteen. The story was always the same; I was angry at the world, I was depressed at being alone, and tears were a daily occurrence to me. I had major depression issues and was at one point referred to a psychologist, who recommended particular types of medication. This things would greatly fascinate and played a large role in why I initially got a degree in Psychology rather than doing theological work first. At any rate, it was nearly five years of never ending tears, constant pain from placing all my hopes of joy on people, people who failed me and reinforced my loneliness in the world. I tortured myself daily, reminding myself of how nobody loved me and how I had been born alone in this world and how I would die alone in it. I explored all sorts of avenues of escape, in music, in other beliefs, in computers, in anything that would take my mind off the pain. But, the pain and loneliness drove me constantly to making friends any way possible. It was a hurt existence, very wounded, and one that tore holes in my relationship between me and my parents. My mother once found a letter I wrote a friend, in which I basically confessed to the levels of my misery, and she could not have been more shocked. She wanted me to talk to her, but I couldn’t.

I was sixteen, and very, very alone. Then one night I was sitting in my room, having spent the day with friends, and I was crying for hours because of how depressed I was. This was my life and all I knew, but I didn’t want it anymore. I didn’t want the pain, didn’t want the tears, and I finally became desperate. I cried out to God, because I didn’t know what else to do. I told Him then that I wanted to know what happiness was, what joy was. I wanted to know what everyone was always talking about when they claimed to have the joy of the Lord, I wanted to know what David had danced about. I hated what I was, and if an answer didn’t come, I didn’t know what I would resort to.

At that moment I remembered my Bible, one I almost never used personally but was good for appearances at church. I rushed for it and opened it, and began to cry as I read about Christ. I prayed and didn’t stop praying, for almost five or six hours until the early hours of Sunday morning, just in time for church. As soon as they were awake I rushed to tell my parents I was eager to go to church, a pleasant surprise for them. And so we were off, and there I was sitting in Sunday School when I told my teacher I absolutely had to talk for a few minutes. So they allowed me to stand and words began to rush out of my mouth, doing nothing more than praising God for how happy I felt and for how great He was. It was my confession, and the time I mark when I became a Christian.

Now Christianity is a long thing in the process, especially when you’re young and prone to falling, which I did. I was led astray, by women yet again. I tried to fill that heart with one particular girl for almost six years, and it left me just as empty as anything of the world does. But somewhere in the time span between the ages of 16 and 24, I did some things right, even if the girl was not. I became involved in youth ministry, urban ministry and any thing that was considered a ministry. My best friend came to Christ, and then things really exploded. I was active everywhere, or at least I would be until I became depressed about a girl and being alone in the world. When her and I stopped talking, I resorted to clubbing and alcohol.

The thing about relationship to the Father is that it must be honest and total. Anything you withhold from Him can easily grow out of control and devour you, and I have never really given up my loneliness, not entirely. It was something that God would work on for the next two or three years and in the meantime, He placed me in the Campus Crusade for Christ ministry. Over the next year and a half, I would really begin to understand the totality of God’s love for me and just how much I would have to lay down. I learned a little more about just how deep His love with, and I realized that I had to really lay certain parts of my character aside to follow Him.

Now joy is an interesting thing because I’ve found that the further I’ve come with God and the more I’ve given in to Him, the more my joy has increased. When I speak of joy, it should be understood: This is no thing dependent on circumstances or situations. If that were so, I would say that right now, I have no reason to be joyful. My circumstances are stressful and certainly not the best, but I’m not talking about a temporary happiness, I’m talking about a joy that endures with you regardless of circumstance. It exists and builds even in your suffering, it causes you to praise God even when others feel you should be struggling. It isn’t a repression of the pain you are in, it is the abandonment of that pain at the foot of the cross, and the taking on of a gift that is so plentiful I cannot in words describe it.

It is something unknown to the normal human condition, I am almost entirely sure. It is something that I am now understanding, more than ever. Why so? At this point in my life, I have been in the ministry several years. I felt I had a good grasp on when God moves and how he does it. However, I completely underestimated God. I was just recently at a conference, sitting down, working on some paper work on my PDA. I wasn’t even really paying attention. In my mind, I felt I could mentally skip on this particular sermon to get some things done. I know conferences, I’ve been going to these for years. When the worship rolled around I’d get up, be blessed and then go eat dinner with the rest of Crusade. This was a standard thing.

What I couldn’t have understood was what God intended. As the man preached, I became hit with conviction. I began to wrestle with God, finding reasons not to submit, complaining about behaviors in the group, things I had issue with, and God basically said I was only using these things as an excuse to not truly submit. Suddenly He began to deal with problems I’d held in my life for years, unwilling to completely submit. Before the worship began I was praying and crying, then on my knees in tears. God was dealing with issues I’d never even realized were still issues. And when I’d gotten up off that floor, I was running around, hugging people, celebrating because I was so full of joy I couldn’t understand what it was that was going on in my heart.

But the amazing thing about the moment was that it wasn’t just a moment of joy; I had understood joy far greater than I ever had in my life. I’d always had joy, but now God had increased it. Then a day passed, and another, and then a week, and then a month. And so I am here.

So what shall we say about this joy? What is this great thing that is far greater than anything I’ve ever understood? I look on the past and the fellowship of believers who have come before, men like C.S. Lewis who came to an awareness of this great thing, this joy. The ancient heroes such as David, who danced before the Lord out of a spirit crying out in love and joy. This thing which exalted the Lord, that for thousands of years has caused men and women the world over to lift their heads to the sky and shout for joy.

What is this great movement of the heart? Why do I walk around during the day, singing praises to God? With a smile on my face? What has happened to this young man, who a decade ago cried out in pain? Here he now stands, with the knowledge of what God has done in Him, but without a full comprehension of just how great the work is. Though for years I have served the Lord with joy, now it is as if I understand what the Lord meant when He said He would fill my cup beyond overflowing. I can’t help but smile, and be happy, and go to sleep excited about the next day. I wake up with a song in my heart and joy in my face. I feel alive, more alive than I ever have. I walk in the rain and the cold, and praise the Lord for His grace.

Overcome by joy, I seek to encourage and uplift. I want nothing else than to bless the lives of those around me. And let’s be clear, this great joy and peace has not made me perfect. Rather, it has made me aware than because of God’s mercy, He will deal with me and continue to perfect me. Though I am now imperfect in the flesh, it is He who does the work of cleaning me. Because once I felt as if I had to work to clean out the impurities, and fight and struggle every inch of the way not to sin. But it is God who cleans, and God who does the work in me. Nothing I do can earn me more favor with God, and this is not some mystical power where the more I pray, the more power I will receive. God loves, God forgives and God gives. All good gifts come from the Father of lights. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more; He loved me so much He gave His only son that whosoever would believe in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

This is the joy I speak of, the realization that all of life is out of your hands, but God is in control. The realization that what you feel in your heart is the joy that the Israelites spoke of thousands of years ago, that what you are experiencing is what David danced to, what Abraham praised God of, and what the prophets proclaimed we had to look forward to. Our hope is in Christ. All of history points to His coming, and His coming again. The Father is with us, present and active. He is never ending, never ceasing. His love is upon us, and His joy is in us. God gives freely, we cannot earn anything from Him. Our best is far short; the joy is in the knowledge that what we have in God comes freely of His love. We are justified by faith, and given to freely. We can sing in our days and nights, confident that the Father is close to us, that He will never leave us or forsake us. What an amazing love that sparks such a joy, a joy that flows out of us and into this world, marking it with the fingerprint of God. For God chooses to use us to His glory, despite all our shortcomings. How that much greater is His love, that though we deserve the ultimate punishment, He has given us His greatest gifts. Our joy is in the Lord God Almighty, and it is what people have praised God for over the course of thousands of years. When you praise Him, you do as those of Israel did when they were delivered from the hands of the Egyptians, when David celebrated at the victory over the Philistines. It was the same joy that Abraham worshipped God in, looking to His great blessing. It was what the disciples lived and died for, giving their lives to the glory of the Lord. It is joy indescribable, something no man can have apart from the Father.

To my friends in CRU who will be reading this,
I would like to write you for a moment, simply to say how grateful I am that I have you. You who know me closely know how deep my gratitude runs, and for good reason. At a time when I had nobody in San Antonio to call my friend, when I was alone in the world, God gave you to me. He blessed me through you, and taught me lessons about life I had missed, teaching me appreciation for the moment. I learned that I can still learn, from people much younger as well as those who are older.

But really, He gave me friendship in such a way that I had never really known. And whether you know this or not, you all were the fulfillment of a word God had given me nearly a decade before. At the time I didn't really understand what He was saying, and it took many years for it to come to pass. But, He let me know far in advance that you would be there one day, even if I didn't know in specific who you all would be. There were just so many needs that were addressed through you guys, so many life changing moments that came about. And as amazing as DWC has been in the past, how great the outreach and the ministry, what touched me had nothing to do with events. They had to do with the love you have for one another, and the love and patience you had with me. I'm fully aware I can be cocky at times, but I try to be a servant. I try to make myself available to everyone, and to share with you as God shares with me. Because, whether you know it or not, you have done the same for me. You have touched me in infinite ways that spoke to my heart, time and again. That servant's heart is amazing. Even the times I was at odds with some of you, when things were rocky, you treated me with love whether I deserved it or not.

What sort of amazing love is this? Forgiveness for forgiveness, not based on requirement, not begrudging, not bitter.
Rather, the sweet love of the Father is with you all. And it is in spite of our human failings. Through the Son we have now overcome, and have been given righteousness according to His mercy. And you have taken that mercy and love shown to you, and in turn shown it to those who are in need of it. I am a stronger man because of this amazing love, and I have a joyful song. I have in my life something so amazing, something I have never known. What is this infinite love? Is this what David wrote of, when he penned his Psalms? Is this the overwhelming love of God, so gracious and full? I have never known anything else so strong in my life. And you all have been a part of that. It was what made leaving for Dallas so difficult in the first place, because I have come to a greater knowledge, love and understanding of the Father, much in part because of what He has taught me through your actions.

The reason why I like that worship video from Katrina so much is because it shows, so essentially, your heart. It wasn't planned, scripted or thought out. It simply was. It was the heart of the belivers as they came together in joyful worship of the Lord, in the midst of a neighborhood that had been so badly damaged by the hurricane. Your heart gave you love and a desire to help others, and the Spirit of God was with you and moved on you. His very breath was upon you. Every time I look at that video I feel like crying. It's just amazing to see you all worshipping so whole heartedly, passionately and spontaneously.

And this is the good work which the Lord has done in you, and is being perfected in you. Even though we may never be able to know the fullness of God's love, because it is so deep, we will have an eternity to dwell in it. The wondrous thing being, we will have that eternity together. We do not serve the Lord out of hopefulness of our resurection alone, we serve Him because of His love for us today. We love Him because He first loved us, and because we were created to dwell in Him. That we get to enjoy it for all eternity, well, that's a big plus.

He's an amazing God, and you are amazing people. I hate leaving for school because my heart is with you, but I also know my ministry also has my heart, and for the time being God has placed me in Dallas to continue this work. However, I hope to visit with you all soon, whenever the opportunity arises. Know that I keep you all in my prayers, that you are bound up closely to my heart, and that in spirit I am right there with you all. I expect to come home and hear amazing stories from you all. Keep about the work of the Lord, because nothing else is a high an endeavor. There's certainly nothing else that makes me smile as much as hearing of the things you do for Him.

God Bless You All!
-Jason

How many of you used to watch Star Trek? Or still do?

Star Trek is an odd cultural phenomenon. It captures our imagination with tales of adventuring through the stars, of "discovering new worlds and new civilizations". It's given us the Enterprise, the Borg, and Captain Kirk. It's taken us into all corners of the Galaxy, dazzling us through pseudo technology and tales of adventure. I mean seriously, the Borg. THE BORG. The first time you saw this cyborg civilization trashing everything in it's path, they bled cool. Or maybe you're just a more casual fan who takes in an occasional episode and finds it entertaining, but would never feel at home at say, a Trek Convention. I mean, would most guys feel comfortable flirting with a seven foot tallk woman with ridges coming out of her forehead? Probably not.

All that said, Star Trek gets outrageous, but usually stays within a certain realm of science and believability. This isn't always true, but for the most part it applies. Well, I must have missed one particular episode of Star Trek: Voyager, because it went beyond outrageous. I'm not going to bore you with details, but I'll boil down the plot so that you understand how ridiculous it is. Essentially, the ship was having major malfunctions. After carefully tracking the problem to the kitchen, the reason behind the ship's problems were discovered:

It was Cheese.

I kid you not

And you want to know the really stupid thing about it? The bacteria in the cheese had made the ship sick. So how did they fix the problem? They raised the ship's temperature, just like poor Timmy's temperature goes up when he has the flu.

Is this making sense to anybody outside of Star Trek fandom?

Two things preceed this entry:
1.) At the onset of the "War on Terro", Americans overwhelmingly approved when asked if 5,000 deaths was an acceptable number. 50,000 deaths was less acceptable.
2.) Previous setbacks abroad have been used as rallying cries for Al-Qaeda operatives, used as signs of America's weakness and our lack of resolve.
3.) Regardless of what you feel about this war, September 11th was a reality, and was an attack on our way of life.

Two addenums to the third point:
1.) Foreign policy is designed to serve the American interests. This is the same with any nation.
2.) The sticking point of this foreign policy is whether it is 'fair' to the interests of foreign powers. Especially concerning Israel, many Middle East powers seem to feel it as not. However, historically we have had problems with latin America and other nations who feel it is unfair.

And a last point:
1.) Regardless of all that has happened in the past, we only have the now and what happens tomorrow because of what we do today.

My personal opinion of what needs to be done, is that we need to continue to support Iraq. I believe this because of a few things.
The first reason is because to leave Iraq in its current condition would create a power vacuum. Its occupants would be proxy governors for Iran or Al-Qaeda supporters. In either case, it would serve to debilitize the region, tilting it in even more in the favor of extremists. This would have much larger ramifications in the long term than we are aware of, or at least I feel. I'm not talking about oil prices or anything of that nature. Rather, I feel it would further encourage attacks on the nation, because of a perceived victory on the part of extremists. It would also provide further means for them to do so. If not Al-Qaeda, then Syrian proxies. We would be lending a hand to the development of a power in the Middle East that would, in a decade or more, be of greater threat than what we face today.

However, any plan of attack cannot be to simply throw troops at the problem. You must address why victory has eluded you. The Art of War eludes to the fact that victorious armies who have won go to war. The essence of it is that, you don't go into any war without the factors determining your victory pretty much in place. Planning, forces, utilization of those forces, estimations of your enemy, and the like. You cannot simply hope to overwhelm an enemy who will not fight you directly, but is instead analyzing your weknesses and exploiting them. This is pretty much what our opposition has done, with the knowledge that its best key to victory is to dissuade the American public from continuing the efforts. In other words, a Public Relations victory would be enough to allow the opposition to consolidate, giving them the time they need to one day strike us harder than they can today. However, it should be key to analyze exactly what our opposition is saying in their demands. I'll only address Al-Qaeda and its two primary demands.

First, we need to leave Iraq.
Second, we need to break alliance with Israel.

Even if the first occurred, the second won't. Ideologically we are closer to Israel than any other nation in the Middle East. If anything, Israel and its internal struggles should not have to cope with exterior military influences. This includes Al-Qaeda, Syrian proxies (such as Hamas), and even the U.S. Diplomatic talks have to occur between itself and the people it is having its struggles with. That won't happen though, and this is really an extension of the proxy wars we saw during the Cold War. Then, it was the United States and Russia, fighting through Korea and the infamous Vietnam. Now the powers are less defined, because they fall across lines of ideology that encompass more than just two nations. Rather, you can roughly encompass the United States and a group of its allies against Radical Islam, in the militant form we have seen it take on. I'm not speaking of Islam in the purely religious sense, but the flag that Islamic Extremists use in order to garner new members to fight, while its leaders stay on the run. These forces are embodied by Syria, by Al-Qaeda, and other forces in the Middle East. This time, the proxy wars are being fought in Afghanistan and Iraq. Even though we are not declaring war against Syria or Iran, we are aware of the fact that we are fighting them through their proxies.

As I said previously though, simply emptying troops into the war won't win. Strategy is required, or we might as well begin a staggered withdrawal immediately. The Democratic plan is accurate, if not short sighted, as long as our war conditions mean we are just emptying troops without any change of plans. Which is why this speech was important, and we must examine what it is exactly that Bush is saying we have to do in Iraq.So what is he saying the plan is? Bypassing much of the early speech that is dedicated to illustrating Iraq's situation, Bush identified several opponents specifically as well as the circumstances that created our failure. He then addresses his plans to counter those failures.

His first point of clarity is identifying where the majority of the violence is occuring: Baghdad. This should be fairly obvious, but the scope of the action was wider than I assumed. At least we begin by establishing where our enemy is and where the majority of their actions are occuring. If the seat of power for the nation isn't secured, how is the entirety of the country going to feel? At any rate, what really requires addressing is why we haven't secured the city so far. Bush addresses this next. The problem has been that secured zones have not been able to remain secure, due to a lack off troops. The troop surge may indeed solve this, as the incoming forces will be targeting the zones that require targeting. The neighborhoods will remain secure because the required amounts of troops will actually remain to deal with any insurgents that try to reoccupy these areas. However, our soldiers will also be given far more leeway in terms of where they can go and what they can do. This simple fact may go a long way towards flushing out targets. After all, it's hard to wage a war when you can't pursue your enemy.

So these are positive steps, but ultimately this isn't our country to defend. If a nation wants to be secure, it must fight for its security, which we are hoping this next point addresses. Slowly, the U.S. hopes to turn over authority and military control ot the Iraqis. This will be a lengthy process as Iraqi troops are trained in the finer points of war, but ultimately it's the only way we can hope to bring our troops home without leaving a power vacuum. So the hope is that over time, through coordinated efforts, the Iraqi military will eventually reach a point where it can defend itself. It's also dramatically increasing its day to day activities, which will provide an immediate boost to local security in the Baghdad area.

What really draws my attention to the new plan is the social and domestic efforts that will be required of the Iraqi government if they want continued U.S. involvement. Much like the Great Depression caused  a surge in social projects in order to pay for these projects, thus raising job levels and morale, the Iraqi government will be embarking on social projects in the hope of redeveloping the country's infrastructure. This is key not only because of morale, but also because of something I'm not sure all Americans are aware of. Poor Iraqis find easy pay in the enlistment of Al-Qaeda or other forces, serving as everything from scouts to bombers with the hope that their families reap a reward. This occurs because of a lack of employment and helps the enemy find easy employees, something that increased jobs and wages will counter. It's a practical approach to a situation arising in this conflict. Furthermore, targetting hot spots like Dunbar will have immediate effects, given the surge of troops.

This is all well and good. However, the plan encompasses regional diplomatic efforts. Whether this works or not we can't be sure, but it is in our best interest that regional powers begin to take notice of this conflict and assist. I find it interesting that Bush named Iran and Syria specifically, not because that's a surprise but because it raises the chance of direct conflict. Nevertheless, sometimes it's best to place your cards on the table and address your enemies. It's not as if we're unsure of whether these two countries are assisting the insurgency in Iraq. Certainly if there is a raised amount of regional support, it acts in our best interests.

Now, of course, my support for this plan is predicated on the fact that I believe that now we're in this quagmire, it's in our best interest to see it through. I don't see a benefit to leaving the nation open to a power vacuum that would most likely be occupied by extremists. And since from the beginning, I've said that if you're going to wage a war, don't do so half heartedly. Either commit your troops, or don't. It's the same for all of life, you don't play to break even, you play to win. Not that I'm saying the situation in Iraq is a game, since you're dealing with lives. But if you're going to commit to such a situation, outline a plan that addresses your weaknesses and go in to win, not just to maintain status quo. The additional troops could certainly help, along with increased independence from the Iraqi people as they begin to secure themselves. However, I sincerely hope there is an increase in regional assistance, because it would be the best way to secure our own movement out. Wholesale abandonment of Iraq, however, is simply not optional from my perspective. And finally, I don't think an isolationist policy is of much help either. That is simply not the world we live in anymore. THat was what we had, this is where we are, and what we do at this moment will determine the world our children inherit.